From healthcentral.com
Four psoriasis warriors share how they found their confidence
Psoriasis can be challenging and it can threaten your self-confidence, especially when your plaques are visible. But it doesn’t have to. Meet four psoriasis warriors who have found unique ways to feel comfortable in every situation—from dating to working. If you're ever having one of those days with your PsO, you'll find comfort and inspiration in this roundtable of body-positive tips:
Meet Our Four Warriors
Jill Leonard, 52, Vancouver, Canada
Sam Howe, 33, Lynchburg, Virginia
Jill McMahon, 38, Robbinsville, New Jersey
Aya Lew, 38, Tulum, Mexico
HeathCentral: How long have you had psoriasis and what are your main symptoms right now?
Jill L: I’ve had psoriasis for seven years. After periods of intense or prolonged stress, flare-ups of blisters full of puss appear on my feet and palms. Luckily, they’re not painful, but they’re terribly itchy so I unconsciously scratch them in my sleep until they pop. Sometimes they get infected.
Sam: I’ve had psoriasis since I was a toddler. I currently have patches that cover some of my legs and arms.
Jill M: I’ve had psoriatic arthritis for 23 years. I’m on a new biologic and the plaques are lessening even in this first month of treatment. However, upwards of 75% of my body is still covered with psoriasis spots.
Aya: I’ve had psoriasis for six years. My main symptom these days is one small spot on my lower back.
HC: Is there a social or work situation in which you feel the most self-conscious about your psoriasis? If so, how do you handle those feelings?
Jill L: Prior to the pandemic, I was self-conscious every time I shook hands with anyone, which happens a lot on a normal day. Of course, most people don’t have the habit of gawking at one’s hands, but I knew they could feel the blisters and scales. I’m the only person I know who welcomed the new social norm of not shaking hands!
I have spent years putting in considerable effort to overcome this feeling. One day, I decided to just start openly excusing myself for not shaking hands by explaining that I have psoriasis on my palms, which is not contagious. Branding myself in this way doesn’t feel comfortable, but I think it’s a good thing because I am doing my small part to help raise awareness that psoriasis is there, can happen to anyone, and it’s not a sign of poor personal hygiene.
Sam: When I was younger, especially in middle school, I was really self-conscious about my skin. I would wear long pants in the summer so people wouldn’t see my psoriasis. By the time I reached high school, I realized I would rather be comfortable than hide my skin. Now as an adult I don’t really notice my psoriasis, except when it occasionally flares up.
Jill M: I’m a single woman and my psoriasis makes me most self-conscious when I’m dating someone new. Even in the summer months, I can often hide the major sections with my fashion choices. When it comes to being intimate, there’s no getting around having to prepare my partner that my body or skin looks different and what psoriasis actually is. I find men often have dark coloured sheets and nothing makes me panic more than feeling like I’m leaving behind body dandruff all over his bed. It’s more embarrassing because it feels like I’m dirty. I handle these insecurities by sharing the reality of my psoriasis with the person prior to being intimate.
It also helps that I’m so open with my friends and family and on social media. Talking about it and being connected with the psoriasis community really helps remind me that I’m not alone. Whenever I come in contact with another person with psoriasis who is struggling with their self-confidence, I feel so much love for them. I try to remember that I need to turn that love inwards as well.
Aya: When my psoriasis was at its worst a few years ago, I was the most self-conscious about going swimming as I was in bandages and was unable to wear a bikini for years. I handled it by always telling myself that my body was just communicating, and I had to become a better listener to what it needed. By listening and being more compassionate to myself I created space for healing and taking my health back into my own hands.
HC: Can you share any great advice you’ve received or ideas you lean on?
Jill L: A very close friend of mine was a victim of sexual abuse early in her life. After long years of therapy, she finally felt empowered enough to tell me the following: ‘I suffered through it and I still suffer because of it today, but thanks to my own strength, there is someone left to suffer.’ These two experiences are not comparable in any way. But it’s a truth that can be applied to so many different situations. Whenever I get overwhelmed with insecurity, it helps me get back on my feet, blistered though they are!
Sam: I’ve come to realize my skin only has as much impact on my life as I allow it to have.
Jill M: I saw this quote on Instagram: “What makes you beautiful has nothing to do with how you look.” I’m kind, thoughtful, smart, dynamic, artistic, funny, and so much more. None of my value has anything to do with the flakiness or redness of my skin.
Aya: When I was depressed, I would remind myself that life is short, and I am grateful to be alive as others have it harder. Gratitude has brought me back from my most difficult times.
HC: How do you tap into your self-confidence when you're feeling self-conscious?
Jill L: I keep repeating to myself: People don’t react the way they do because they are mean or want to hurt me. It’s their brain that is hardwired to shrink back from anything that resembles “disease.” It’s an evolutionary trait that has probably kept us out of harm’s way more times than we can imagine. With psoriasis, as with many other things, education can help. And it’s up to us to make that happen!
Sam: I go for a run. I find exercising to be a great way to clear my head and focus on what really matters.
Jill M: If I ever feel my self-confidence waning, I try to take a few deep breaths. This simple process helps me check back in with the inner me. Often when I feel self-conscious, I’m focusing too much on the outside world and what people around me might be thinking.
Aya: Being confident in life means always showing up from a place of love, especially when you are at your worst. No matter how much pain and suffering you are going through, to know and to love yourself is the only thing that matters.
HC: What's your number-one tip to other psoriasis patients about how to feel comfortable in any situation where their psoriasis is evident?
Jill L: In life, there are things you can control and those you can’t. Psoriasis is somewhere in between: You can’t really control it, but you can manage it and learn to live with it. Instead of soaking up the perceived negativity derived from people’s instinctive reactions, change the name of the game, and open up the “p” conversation whenever you can. You will be amazed at how a person can react normally after they backed away from you only yesterday. And, you will feel good, because the same person will never make another psoriasis patient feel bad.
Sam: Self-love goes beyond skin deep. When my daughter was five years old, she developed spots all over her body and my wife and I quickly realized it was psoriasis. Once she got that diagnosis, we tried to treat it with different medications and creams, but our daughter hated the medicines, and her skin didn’t bother her. We stopped aggressively treating it and instead focused on teaching her to love herself. We helped her and those around her (teachers, other parents, etc.) understand her spots through education and awareness. One day we overheard our daughter singing a song about a cheetah with beautiful spots. In the song my daughter had named the cheetah with her name. Much like a cheetah, anyone with psoriasis can be strong, resilient, and beautiful just the way they are.
Jill M: To feel confident in situations where your skin spots are on full display, check in with yourself just before you enter the social environment and remind yourself that YOU are not your skin. I find that after a few minutes my self-consciousness and feelings of anxiety slide into the background and my personality can shine.
Aya: Own where your body is, know that it does get better, and never lose hope. Remember: When you speak about psoriasis to people who don’t understand it, you are speaking for all the silent psoriasis warriors out there who don’t have a voice.
https://www.healthcentral.com/article/body-confidence-advice-psoriasis
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